Things that stop me blogging:
tiredness
self-consciousness
stupid slow` computer
[side list- things that stop me getting my computer fixed: not having the fortitude to find out how to back my computer up to the desktop so my computer-tech student can fix it for me]
facebook/twitter/facebook/twitter/facebook/twitter ad nauseum. Fucking hell. I just hope it's still there for me in my lonely old age.
Thinking about blogposts is easier than thinking about opening the blog and typing stuff out loud, until I do it. Then it feels good on my fingers.
Lack of readership/lack of enthusiasm for creating/having a readership. Therapy point: my values don't line up with my life. I value friendship, I truly do, but I don't have what it takes to be a good friend to anyone. I'm a problematic friend. Perhaps even a toxic one. Yeesh.
I used to feel such a need to hit 'publish' on all the things I thought about, and now I just feel ... mortified at the thought. Even though I sometimes want people to know what I think, I'm also something close to ashamed at the idea. I spent years trying to learn that it was more important to know things than to tell people what I knew, and I think I'm closer to that goal, but it's resulted in an odd boxed-in-ness. And I'm still soap-boxing, god knows. Sigh. I'm ruining the List format.
Recently I have been interested in my country's general election. It's ended with a whimper rather than a bang, unfortunately, and we may have another one. I'm not alone in my conviction of a need for a Left government. I love my creature comforts, but not at the expense of anyone else. And realistically, I suspect I'm in a bracket that would benefit from a fairer society instead of losing privilege to one. I think a sensible form of socialism and environmentalism is the only way forward. These millionaires want to go down in flames, though, they just want to be the last ones in ivory towers, watching. Sci-fi isn't fi anymore, is it? It's all underway and we're pretending it isn't. We throw our money at the things that will ultimately kill us, buying the plastic and poisons that choke the life out of ourselves and our world. Aren't we so lucky to have them?
Perhaps this is part of the list. It's all too grim and my perspective won't change it.
I'm struggling with communication these days. I don't seem to be able to get anything across to anyone properly. I wonder if writing things down would help with that? I feel as if I'm speaking a different language than I think I am at times, one no one can understand. Maybe I make no sense. Like a stroke victim. The frustration is real.
Oops, 1 am. Thank god it's Friday tomorrow. This week has been a little bruising - or rather, I've been a little bruised this week, peach fashion. It hasn't really been so bad, just ... relentless. I crave bed, but fall asleep on the sofa. Hence, 1am. Time for sleep.
tiredness
self-consciousness
stupid slow` computer
[side list- things that stop me getting my computer fixed: not having the fortitude to find out how to back my computer up to the desktop so my computer-tech student can fix it for me]
facebook/twitter/facebook/twitter/facebook/twitter ad nauseum. Fucking hell. I just hope it's still there for me in my lonely old age.
Thinking about blogposts is easier than thinking about opening the blog and typing stuff out loud, until I do it. Then it feels good on my fingers.
Lack of readership/lack of enthusiasm for creating/having a readership. Therapy point: my values don't line up with my life. I value friendship, I truly do, but I don't have what it takes to be a good friend to anyone. I'm a problematic friend. Perhaps even a toxic one. Yeesh.
I used to feel such a need to hit 'publish' on all the things I thought about, and now I just feel ... mortified at the thought. Even though I sometimes want people to know what I think, I'm also something close to ashamed at the idea. I spent years trying to learn that it was more important to know things than to tell people what I knew, and I think I'm closer to that goal, but it's resulted in an odd boxed-in-ness. And I'm still soap-boxing, god knows. Sigh. I'm ruining the List format.
Recently I have been interested in my country's general election. It's ended with a whimper rather than a bang, unfortunately, and we may have another one. I'm not alone in my conviction of a need for a Left government. I love my creature comforts, but not at the expense of anyone else. And realistically, I suspect I'm in a bracket that would benefit from a fairer society instead of losing privilege to one. I think a sensible form of socialism and environmentalism is the only way forward. These millionaires want to go down in flames, though, they just want to be the last ones in ivory towers, watching. Sci-fi isn't fi anymore, is it? It's all underway and we're pretending it isn't. We throw our money at the things that will ultimately kill us, buying the plastic and poisons that choke the life out of ourselves and our world. Aren't we so lucky to have them?
Perhaps this is part of the list. It's all too grim and my perspective won't change it.
I'm struggling with communication these days. I don't seem to be able to get anything across to anyone properly. I wonder if writing things down would help with that? I feel as if I'm speaking a different language than I think I am at times, one no one can understand. Maybe I make no sense. Like a stroke victim. The frustration is real.
Oops, 1 am. Thank god it's Friday tomorrow. This week has been a little bruising - or rather, I've been a little bruised this week, peach fashion. It hasn't really been so bad, just ... relentless. I crave bed, but fall asleep on the sofa. Hence, 1am. Time for sleep.
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