what you need
I saw a thing the other day, I don't remember where it was:
It is never wrong to ask for what you need.
Imagine a life where asking for what you need didn't make you feel like you were doing something wrong?
I tried to impress this on my son today. Even if it makes people upset, it doesn't mean you're wrong to say it.
I think it's a skill in itself, asking for what you need in a way that doesn't upset other people. I tried it the other day and it didn't work at all, but I take comfort in knowing it wasn't wrong to ask, I probably just asked the wrong way. It's funny it came up - patient therapist explained again that we can't blame ourselves for things we were never taught how to manage. Someone told me once, somewhat cruelly, it felt, that I didn't have any coping skills. The therapist affirmed that I didn't, but rather than it being a flaw, how could I have? I was never provided with them.
Is that a cop out? Are we meant to just adult up and develop them later in life? I really don't know. It feels dangerous to allow myself off the hook - I suppose because then I have to actually do something instead of sitting round beating myself up for my failings? It is such a ridiculous thing, to get into such a tightly wound circle that you feel guilty for feeling guilty.
I have no idea why the human brain developed the way it did. All this intelligence and sensitivity and the world is full of torture and destruction and ... well, torture and destruction sums a lot up. I just watched a video of a dog chained tightly by the neck to a small, flowering wysteria tree in the woods, and left to starve to death. When her rescuers found her, the chain had carved a bloody raw strip around her throat and she was skeletal. But good people found her, a loving couple fostered her, and a tough sounding, older, lesbian couple adopted her and she got all her happy, healthy energy back. I hope I have the strength to be a rescuer some day. Of myself, my children, and others.
It is never wrong to ask for what you need.
Imagine a life where asking for what you need didn't make you feel like you were doing something wrong?
I tried to impress this on my son today. Even if it makes people upset, it doesn't mean you're wrong to say it.
I think it's a skill in itself, asking for what you need in a way that doesn't upset other people. I tried it the other day and it didn't work at all, but I take comfort in knowing it wasn't wrong to ask, I probably just asked the wrong way. It's funny it came up - patient therapist explained again that we can't blame ourselves for things we were never taught how to manage. Someone told me once, somewhat cruelly, it felt, that I didn't have any coping skills. The therapist affirmed that I didn't, but rather than it being a flaw, how could I have? I was never provided with them.
Is that a cop out? Are we meant to just adult up and develop them later in life? I really don't know. It feels dangerous to allow myself off the hook - I suppose because then I have to actually do something instead of sitting round beating myself up for my failings? It is such a ridiculous thing, to get into such a tightly wound circle that you feel guilty for feeling guilty.
I have no idea why the human brain developed the way it did. All this intelligence and sensitivity and the world is full of torture and destruction and ... well, torture and destruction sums a lot up. I just watched a video of a dog chained tightly by the neck to a small, flowering wysteria tree in the woods, and left to starve to death. When her rescuers found her, the chain had carved a bloody raw strip around her throat and she was skeletal. But good people found her, a loving couple fostered her, and a tough sounding, older, lesbian couple adopted her and she got all her happy, healthy energy back. I hope I have the strength to be a rescuer some day. Of myself, my children, and others.
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