hugstitute
I was researching (wishing longingly for) weighted blankets for myself and both kids, and also trying to look up ways to fix my bastard TMJ issues, when I took a load of bedclothes out of the dryer.
What do you do when you take clothes hot out of the dryer? Do you, em, press your face into them and hold them tight?
Given that my two possible readers are in loving relationships, perhaps not. But I am the woman whose 12 year old regularly searches my face for signs of sadness and asks if I need a hug. Tonight he misread that and thought I was sad - but really I was just sighing wearily, as is my wont. I tried to tell him it wasn't his job to provide me with hugs, but he disagreed.
All my life, I've had a hug deficit. And a desperate need for them. Sadly, I married someone who was unhuggy - but didn't realise at first, how not into it he was. And then I had a child on the spectrum who stopped liking physical contact around the age of three or four.
Anyway... I really don't want to be some demented grasping narcissist who guilts her son into looking after her emotional needs because no one else is there to do it. Gah. To be honest, since I made my peace with not having another relationship, it's got much easier, and I don't feel that desperate longing for the comfort of an oxytocin hit. Not like I used to constantly. But now and again, I hug the hot laundry, and pretend someone's holding me. Tonight I worked out I could lean it against the kitchen door, and it honestly felt like a person. I relaxed into it, didn't cry at the pathetic image it presented, and just ... had a hug.
I tell you, when I invent my Jason Momoa bot, it will have a heating element.
Anyway, I think I need a weighted blanket. Even if it costs hundreds of euro and C refuses to try it. They apparently help with repetitive behaviours and jaw clenching and these are things that are significantly affecting my quality of life.
What do you do when you take clothes hot out of the dryer? Do you, em, press your face into them and hold them tight?
Given that my two possible readers are in loving relationships, perhaps not. But I am the woman whose 12 year old regularly searches my face for signs of sadness and asks if I need a hug. Tonight he misread that and thought I was sad - but really I was just sighing wearily, as is my wont. I tried to tell him it wasn't his job to provide me with hugs, but he disagreed.
All my life, I've had a hug deficit. And a desperate need for them. Sadly, I married someone who was unhuggy - but didn't realise at first, how not into it he was. And then I had a child on the spectrum who stopped liking physical contact around the age of three or four.
Anyway... I really don't want to be some demented grasping narcissist who guilts her son into looking after her emotional needs because no one else is there to do it. Gah. To be honest, since I made my peace with not having another relationship, it's got much easier, and I don't feel that desperate longing for the comfort of an oxytocin hit. Not like I used to constantly. But now and again, I hug the hot laundry, and pretend someone's holding me. Tonight I worked out I could lean it against the kitchen door, and it honestly felt like a person. I relaxed into it, didn't cry at the pathetic image it presented, and just ... had a hug.
I tell you, when I invent my Jason Momoa bot, it will have a heating element.
Anyway, I think I need a weighted blanket. Even if it costs hundreds of euro and C refuses to try it. They apparently help with repetitive behaviours and jaw clenching and these are things that are significantly affecting my quality of life.
I love warm laundry. I don't hug it but I do press towels to my face sometimes, just for the pleasure. I really don't understand why you think you can never have another relationship. You're still so young! Far too young to give up on that very basic human joy.
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